he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
