wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
