its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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