You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
