I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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