I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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