Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
