There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
