You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
