So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize