I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
