i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
