i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
