Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
