He had one of those small greek statue penises
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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