she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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