Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
