Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish you could order shots online.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
