I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
