I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
