Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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