This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
