I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
