this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
