Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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