If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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