Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
