Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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