Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
