I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
