Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
