The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
