I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
