dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
