there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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