If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
