Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
