Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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