i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
