My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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