how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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