We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
