You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
