Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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