their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
