Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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