my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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