the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
