remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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