shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
