I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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