A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
