Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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