kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize