Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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