I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
