my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
