i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
