so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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