dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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