anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
