the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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