just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
