My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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