How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
