lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
