Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
