So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
