just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
