You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You took a bar mat shot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
