youre lurking in front of me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
