Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My life is pants optional.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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