he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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