your room smells of hookers.
And success
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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